Meet My Client: Jessica Blake

[Sketch of Jessica by me]

Jessica and I were co-workers before I became a coach. When I left our workplace to start my coaching practice, she was one of my first clients. We coached together regularly for a year.

TELL EVERYONE WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU’RE UP TO RIGHT NOW...

I’m Jessica Blake. I am fairly content in my life and career right now. I’ve been with the same company for three years. It’s been a struggle at times, but I’ve been able to stick with it and I’m finally getting what I want out of it. I have a love life that I still to this day don’t think I would have if I hadn’t done coaching with you. That is still going strong and we’re still madly in love. We bought a house together in December last year and got our dog Doris in March. I still pinch myself everyday because of it. 

The daily struggles are still there, but I have tools to help me through it. I really try to focus on being grateful and that kind of helps me pull out of it when I have rough times. 

YOU WERE ONE OF MY FIRST CLIENTS! THINK BACK … WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO WORK WITH ME? 

I was kind of in a rut. I was questioning who am I and what am I doing with my life? I couldn’t really sustain a relationship. I wasn’t crazy about my career at the time either. I didn’t know how to focus my emotions and they got the best of me sometimes. I was unhappy. 

I’d been in therapy for so many years and I’d stopped going because we were talking about the same things every time and it didn’t feel like it was really helping me. So I was interested in what coaching was and how might it help me in a different way. 

HOW WOULD YOU SAY YOUR LIFE HAS CHANGED AS A RESULT OF COACHING? 

I still think about our coaching a lot all these years later. I think one of the things I remember the most is when you had me identify what my values were in our first few sessions. When I would be talking about being bothered by someone you would point out that maybe I was feeling annoyed or irritated or angry because maybe that person and I had different values, or whatever they were doing was stepping on what was important to me. Now I can pinpoint so much faster what it is that’s bothering me or rubbing me the wrong way … why I’m having trouble getting along with someone. Before it was just I hate this person and I would write them off. Now I look at it like, maybe this person isn’t acting honestly or independently … and that bugs me because those things are so vital and important to me. 

Another thing I still use is what’s here now?… you introduced that early on and I loved it and I still try to check in with that question when I’m pissed off or emotional in a way I can’t identify. I check for what’s going on in my body, how I’m feeling, what I am wanting. Paying attention to all that helps me figure out what to do next. 

Also I think you helped me ask questions and look at things from a deeper or different perspective. I don’t think if I’d met my boyfriend before coaching, it would have worked out. When we first started dating, he and I had a conversation about his ex and I came in with bullet point notes (based on things you helped me identify) and we talked like adults and I was able to not bring the emotion into it and I think it was all from tools you had given me. I honestly think that my relationship is better because of the coaching. 

Another thing! I’m calmer. I have someone in my life right now with manic energy and I notice I struggle with this person. I think it’s about breathing and getting grounded and I ask myself what’s here now? — questions about the present — and so when I’m around manic people now it shows me I am a calming force. Coaching really helped with that. 

I am becoming an independent contributor at work and won’t have direct reports anymore. I had to sit my team down and tell them they were going to have a different boss. They were bummed out. They said I was their protector and mentor, that I was tough but honest and kind. I was like holy shit! I had no idea they saw me that way. I think all of that comes from all the stuff I learned in the coaching. 

WHAT I LOVED ABOUT COACHING WITH YOU IS THAT YOU REALLY SHOWED UP FOR THE PROCESS. YOU WERE SO HONEST AND WILLING TO TRY THE HARD WORK. YOU WERE SO READY! YOU HAD ALL THOSE YEARS OF THERAPY, AND YEAH, MAYBE YOU ONLY HAD A COUPLE OF BREAKTHROUGHS, BUT I IMAGINE THAT FOUNDATION OF UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF THROUGH THERAPY, HELPED YOU BE SO READY TO PUT THAT INTO ACTION. YOU WERE KIND OF UNSTOPPABLE. 

[Laughing] I’m still pretty unstoppable!

Another thing I loved was no matter what I brought to a session, you had different ideas and exercises. I felt like it was never the same. I could bring you something and you’d throw out a bunch of thoughts and ideas or drawings to see what stuck. I would look forward to what were you going to do each time. The coach is an active participant in a different way than the therapist. Coaching with you felt creative. That kept it interesting and kept me wanting to do the homework. 

WHAT DO YOU THINK THE VALUE OF COACHING IS? 

It’s self-help, it’s self-cleansing, it’s self-rewarding, it’s self-growth. It’s invaluable to do that. You keep growing and looking at things differently, which opens up choices. It makes you change your outlook on the world 

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’D BE WITHOUT COACHING? 

Oh f***k. Who knows? [laughing]. I don’t believe I’d be in a healthy relationship. I’d be back in my apartment by myself chugging along, looking for the next thing. And still emotionally not dealing with my issues. I backed off from my parents — and got some space and perspective. That was big. I’d be less happy. I was open to meeting my partner because I was happier. Before I felt emotionally stunted. 

ANYTHING WE MISSED? 

No, I just think you’re totally f*&^%ing awesome. [laughing, laughing]

WELL, THANK YOU. I THINK YOU’RE TOTALLY F*&^%ING AWESOME TOO AND I LOVED WORKING WITH YOU. BEFORE AND AFTER COACHING. 

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This originally appeared in my November 2018 email newsletter. To get on the list, sign up at pamdaghlian.com/newsletter