What's Here Now? That AHHHHHHH!!! SPIDERS!!! Feeling

[photo: from the movie Kingdom of the Spiders]

It’s the time of year where we scare ourselves on purpose. But what are you really afraid of?

My current list includes spiders, creeping authoritarianism, spiders, that I will get dementia like my mom, spiders, walking home from the train late at night, spiders, the big earthquake, spiders, how we are destroying the planet, spiders, that while I’m taking a shower, the floor will collapse and I’ll land in my downstairs neighbor’s apartment, naked. Also, spiders.

How to keep pushing forward in the face of what scares us? How do we distinguish a real threat from one that we’re making up?

Spiders. Let’s look at the facts. They are probably not going to murder me. They are likely more afraid of me than I am of them. And they do beneficial things, like eat bugs. What is there, really, to be afraid of? I will probably not fall through the floor while taking a shower (and where did that fear even come from, brain?). But I might experience the big earthquake. So what to do? Make sure I have an earthquake kit and an emergency plan for my family and get on with the day.

Sometime, around my mid-30s, I became afraid of looking stupid. This limited me — I didn’t go dancing anymore, I didn’t speak up in meetings at work because I didn’t want to chance saying something dumb, I didn’t talk to strangers or go to parties. I stopped knowing what was fun. Life kind of shrunk. Years later, I took an improv class and learned to be okay with looking stupid (it helps when everyone else is looking ridiculous too). Life opened back up again.

How are your fears holding you back? How do they keep you safe? What fears can you let go of — and how might you do that? Which of your fears is trying to tell you something important? Which are trying to keep you small?

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This originally appeared in my October 2018 email newsletter. To get on the list, sign up at pamdaghlian.com/newsletter