The Fake News Machine In Your Head

You have a fake news machine in your head. Your inner critic had it installed a while back. 

I have one too. Most of us do. 

Maybe your fake news machine is a room-sized computer from the 1950s, or maybe more like a printing press, or a switchboard. Maybe it’s like a radio or one of those sushi bar conveyor belts. So many options! Mine is an industrial furnace which needs my inner critic to stoke it. She wears coveralls and work boots and gloves and goggles and constantly shovels bad information into it. It’s hot, sweaty, demanding work. But my inner critic is devoted and hardworking and never takes a day off. I don’t know how she does it, frankly.

All fake news machines do the same thing — generate false and misleading stories. And they do it around the clock. They never run out of ‘alternative facts’ about you and your life. They are crafty and sneaky and cynical and adept at making you believe things that aren’t true — you’re not smart enough, you’re unqualified, you’re a fraud, you're a bad parent, or you don’t deserve love or respect, or to get that raise, etcetera. One of their favorite things is reminding you about all the ways you suck, of all the things you should be doing that you’re not — working harder, doing more, being perfect.

Often, these fake news stories are repetitive and judgmental, complaining, savage even. If you overheard people saying the things you say to yourself, to each other, you’d be horrified. Sometimes, the machine likes to take your fears and run wild with them. The fake news may cause you to worry and obsess over things instead of coming up with solutions. The machine may take a snippet of truth and inflate it into absurdity. It may run irrational thoughts through your head even though you know they aren’t — can’t possibly be — true. The machine and its fake news are not motivated by your best interests, but might trick you into believing they are. 

This machine is powerful. But only as powerful as you let it be. 

During a recent coaching session, a client of mine was saying something not very nice about herself. This thing, in addition to being unkind, was also a not true, so I shouted, “FAKE NEWS!” into the phone. We both burst out laughing, but it struck a chord. 

Since then, fake news is my favorite metaphor for the unkind things we are all too willing believe about ourselves.

When I’m able to label the things my inner critic feeds me as fake news, it becomes so clear how untrue and unhelpful those things are to me. And once I know they are lies or exaggerations, I can do something about it.

The first step is learning to spot the fake news stories. Don’t just believe everything you hear! Then dig a little deeper — what’s the story really about? Is this story coming from a reputable place? Why should I trust this story? Ask who the story serves. Corroborate what you hear… where’s the evidence to back up the story? And if you can’t prove the story is true, don’t run with it! 

Let’s say you started a new job two days ago. You are excited. You are feeling good. Things are looking up in your career. Your life is on track. Your outfit is killer. You're feeling kind of unstoppable! 

You’re sitting at your desk and you begin to hear thoughts like, I’ve been here for two days, I should know how everything works by now. You start to believe something is wrong with you because in two business days you haven’t memorized the names of your twenty five new coworkers. Or figured out office politics. Or you can’t yet flawlessly execute all the aspects of your new role. And even though IT hasn’t even given you your new computer yet, you should have churned out that report already. Now you're worried about getting fired.

Unstoppable has turned to feeling pretty shitty. 

But, poke at that story a little — who, exactly, says you should know everything after two days? Not your boss. She told you yesterday that she doesn’t expect you to be fully up to speed for at least three months. What’s underneath the idea that you should know everything already? A little further investigation will find that it’s rooted in your wanting to do a kick ass job and you’re antsy for that day to get here. You want to contribute.

Okay, great. Now you know. That is some fake news right there. Now what? You can stop believing you should have it all figured out. You recall the first days of your last job and remember that there was a point at which you felt you had it all down. You feel trusting that the same point will come for this role some day soon. You’re feeling excited again. At lunch you run out at buy cupcakes for the IT department. At 3pm your new computer arrives. 

And your fake news machine is shut down for the rest of the day. 

Well done.